Gettin' naked with someone new

Getting to know someone new usually involves stripping off some layers of defense and taking risks with one another's feelings. In BYB I decided to shed all of my layers so completely that I was entirely vulnerable. But it was somewhat contrived. It was a "safe" place to do so.

I am learning how to integrate this idea into my life in ways that I think fit better with the reality that some things aren't necessary to discuss in order to be free with thoughts and feelings with someone.

Specifically, I have a new slightly-unlabelable relationship (with Allison in Indy) in which we've done a good job of communicating. Specifically, our DTR-to-date ratio is 2:1.

There have been a couple of instances in which I've bitten my tongue and not really delved into recent past relationships or other details of my current social life here in DC. I think I've been pretty clear about my apprehension, and I appreciate that she doesn't prod me for more details even though she might want to.

If you know me well, you know that integrity is my most important value. I'm not anywhere close to perfect in maintaining it, but I try really hard to fix it when I screw up. Of course, it'd be easier to not screw up in the first place.

So it tugs at me a little that I haven't told Allison everything. She knows the bulk of my personal "secrets" because I'm pretty free with them in normal conversation with people I'd like to develop relationships with. She appreciates me despite the closet skeletons that I've shared, and thinks some of my quirks are cute. So I know she wouldn't judge me.

Yet I've drawn a very specific line when it comes to other people and my relationships with them, when talking with Allison. I guess I'm trying to protect her feelings and respect others' privacy. And she recently asked me to suppress some of the things I might (or might not) do with other girls unless it comes to the point where I am serious about someone else. I can respect that.

But I'm still conflicted about it. My other relationships help define where I've come from and who I am. I'd like to share more to let us be a source of continuity for one another.

On the other hand, that might be a rather serious commitment/burden for someone I'm just getting to know. And not everything needs to be shared; I know old married couples who are quite happy and didn't have to share every detail to get there. And then there's the idea that mystery can be interesting.

What do you think? How much sharing is desirable for a new relationship? Does authenticity with less-than-complete transparency take away from its power?