Throwing some "green" at my relationships

So, I'm a "green" (13-12-7-4 actually). And I'm trying to change the fact that I don't have a girlfriend by analyzing how I'm showing up, seeing how I can make tweaks to the way I present myself, and learning things about myself that help me choose relationships to pursue that might work well. In a particular personal relationship of mine (with a certain social nucleus), I don't show up as the dominant one, and that's something she would want in a potential mate. I'm not looking to "fix" this fact, but I want to understand why it is, and if it's something I can (or would want to) tweak. Since I'm a decent feedback acceptor now (thanks to Beyond Your Best), I can internalize that if I'm not showing up in a powerful way, I'm just not being powerful. At least in this relationship, I don't come across as confident, assertive, and independent. I believe I've allowed these ways of being to take a back seat to me being easy-going, loving, and simply being content with whatever circumstances arise. It's not that I don't care enough about myself to make a hard line, it's just that I don't really mind anything. I think this shows up as me being weak. This has come up a few times in my life. I feel full confidence when I'm with someone, and feel like I'm contributing, making decisions, and taking the lead... and it just doesn't come across that way. A recurring theme in my discussions about relationships (over the past 15 years or so) is that "most" girls want a "take-charge kinda guy". That's all fine and dandy, but it's at a real conflict with how I think I've shown up to pretty much everybody I've met, including in my professional relationships when I lead by getting out of the way. So that brings up two questions. 1) Should I seek out relationships that I am strong enough to clearly dominate, or are there stronger girls who are OK with sharing "the responsibility" or being the dominate one? I know there are dominant girls who like to abuse guys. I don't think that's what I'm looking for :), but a shared responsibility thing would seem to be ideal. 2) Should I lower he bar (in the limbo sense)? It's a fact. I like playing the less-dominant role in some of my relationships. It allows me to balance being dominant in other areas, and gives me a bit of a reprieve, I think, from being "on point" all the time, which can be stressful. How this has manifested itself is I'm strong at work and weak in personal relationships. This is an assumption that I've made, that this is how I am. I think I can throw some energy at showing up in a stronger way, and maybe that could get me what I want. A risk for this might be that this might not be sustainable, and I'll lose the momentum and the relationship will go sour because she is not experiencing me in the way that she needs to in the long term. I also don't want to compromise who I am. There's a similar conversation going on for me that happened after I read Party of One: A Loner's Manifesto. This book was a scathing justification for the "loner way of life", and I interpreted this as I'm OK to not do work on myself to show up better for others. Since then, I've learned that I had aspirations greater than myself that depended on me being more outwardly focused in some areas. Maybe something similar could happen with my being the dominant force in relationships. I know I can't be everything to everyone, nor should I try. And I also know that I should "be myself". I just want to be the best "me" I can be, and I'm wondering if that involves me asserting myself in new ways. What do you think? Have you had similar conversations?